Women are complicated. I wish I had a better way of starting this off, some heartfelt way of saying, “Hey, I’m clever, witty, smart, I know what I’m doing!”, but I don’t, because that would be giving myself too much credit.  I’m not that smart, clever, witty, or any of that stuff.  I watch way too much TV, play way too many video games, am anti-social to a fault, and can’t seem to keep my attention all on one thing at one time (it could be Attention Deficit Disorder, I’m not sure, and I don’t think I want to find out).  Anyways, being a geek and dating is hard, especially in the town of Nothing, Texas that I live in.  Harder still is finding a girl that really gets you. No, not that whole “She really gets me, man…” stoner slang you get in the movies.  I’m talking she understands why Zelda and Link are meant to be together, why Kanye West out-raps everyone in the game, why I even like rap in the first place, why Star Wars is only 1/2 as great as it was 30 years ago, and why I like Community SO DANG MUCH!!!! (Six seasons and a movie!)

Unfortunately, the great Lord did not bless me with that power, but by the looks of every other country redneck that drifts around this town, girls must see something I obviously can’t see.  Maybe it’s their need to feel something, their constant need for attention, to know someone is watching them and secretly cares for them.  I don’t know, that could and probably is completely wrong, I don’t know honestly, I’m a stupid 17 year old, I don’t know!!!  I just want to yell out to them “I’M HERE! JUST TALK TO ME! I’LL LISTEN!”  Okay, maybe that last part was a lie, I can barely pay attention to my mom when she asks me politely to put the jeans in the dryer for a dinner that we’re going to later on.  I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive, but then again, who am I to say that I’m handsome to one girl or a complete sleazebag to another, which admittedly I am for sure guilty of.  I look at the country bumpkins in my school, watch as they waste the day away just talking and gossiping to people, while I diligently do my work, quietly at that.  And yet, being ranked 38th in your class is where that has gotten me.  They’re content with what they have, what they will do on their party night on Friday, and a part of me aches to tell them that life goes on after the parties, booze, and sex, and the future is coming faster than all of us can ever imagine.

Yet, I can’t bring myself to do that, because there are times when I wish I could just join them in their escapades, their parties and shenanigans.  I want to experience the thrills of being drunk on life, to be stupid, to not think about what comes tomorrow, to live for the nights we won’t remember.  I’ve never tasted alcohol, never had the desire to, nor have I done drugs.  Shoot, I barely touch medication unless I feel like a dried raisin in the sun from the cold winter months of January - March. Every kid has thought about it, though, we’re guilty of it all, the deepest desires of our heart.  We’re sinful beings, we can’t help ourselves.  A girl talks to me, and my mind rushes to think of something clever to say.  Movies and TV and music always make it look so easy.  I want Don Draper’s Mad Men confidence, Jack Shepherd’s Lost leadership, the comedy timing of Patton Oswalt, the swagger and riches of Kanye West.  Yet, I settle with what I have, a skinny white geek who just wants to be understood.

When a girl is on my mind, it’s a hard thing to shake.  Heck, right next to this tab I have a Facebook window open with Jordan Bailey’s profile page open in it.  I remember talking to her during the summer, over text message of course.  My sense of writing always conveys my feelings much more clear and precise than when I speak.  I still remember why we started talking, it was my birthday, I had just returned from home with a broken leg back to my summer job, as I could not stand to stay in my house any longer than I had to be.  Facebook has, for better or worse, made telling someone “Happy Birthday!” much easier than ever before.  July 1st came around, the day in 1994 that I came screaming and kicking into this world.  The wall posts flood in, one after another, and I begin to answer them back, trying my best to thank everyone with a special or at least witty comment back for their patronage (this was actually mainly because the year before I couldn’t stop getting heck from my friends for not thanking them for their kind words, despite them already being MY BEST FRIENDS, of course I love them!) Fortunately, Jordan had decided that I was just important enough to write to, saying a quick “Happy birthday Brayden!”, adding a cute little :) with her kind words.

Somehow, I got her number, an aspect I can’t seem to bring up as to how I got, but the point is I got it, okay?   I relished our cute little conversations we had, the subtle flirting we hinted at, her admittance of wanting to go to prom with me, my admittance of TOTALLY agreeing with her! It seemed too good to be true, a girl this beautiful, her greenish eyes from what I can make out, upright posture, her smile that looked like it could light up ten light bulbs, and her long, blonde hair. Oh, that hair, it’s a thing of beauty.  So, school finally got here, and before it even started, the sprouting relationship we (or at least I) thought we had had gone up in smoke.  It runs through my mind, at least once in a while a week, what did I do wrong? Was it me? My skinny runner’s body? My teeth, perhaps? I brush at least once a day, they can’t be that bad. Am I too awkward? I do watch too much Sci-Fi for my own good, I must be too nerdy or something.  But then I see her talk to her other guy friends, people I consider, in all honesty, to be douchebags.  Their strong arms and limited amount of brain function to read a simple line of dialogue were a source of hatred to an intellectual person like me.  Yet, it’s what she gravitated to.  We went from talking about our true feelings toward each other, to smiling glances at each other between classes, to nothing at all.  Cue the crying and back-pattings, the “there-there’s”, the eye-rolling, etc.

Anyways, I’ll never understand women, but maybe I don’t need to.  After all, if the male race could really understand women, we could rule the world at this point.  Again, the good Lord won’t have it, and the process of meeting, greeting, and falling in love is a process that appeals to every creature on the planet.  I’ll never understand why Jordan doesn’t talk to me anymore, why I am attracted to a hard-headed girl like Claire LaHue, why I won’t be with a girl of stability and good judgement like Nadine Bonewitz, it’s something I’m not destined to understand.  All I can do is write, tell you what’s going on, and hope no one reads this, as it’s highly embarrassing and very badly written.  God bless, Excelsior, etc.

Steven Soderbergh.  The man knows how to thrill us in ways we were unaware that we could be thrilled.  His popular entries in Oceans 11-13 have established his reputation as one of the most stylish filmmakers making films today, able to bring his Hollywood friends out for a while to star in one of his newest creations.  With his newest film, Contagion, we don’t get that Soderbergh.  Unless you were to tell me this was one of his film’s I would have never guessed, and I don’t feel alone in this situation.  No, this is not a side-project film like The Girlfriend Experience was, but it is a different avenue of film-making Soderbergh has chosen for this next film.  For myself, it’s almost a beginning for the lead-up to a zombie film, though unfortunately, not as thrilling or as exciting.

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